For this article, I am going to assume that your husband really is cheating and you know this for sure. It's so important that you don't go on assumptions and wrongly accuse as it could seriously damage your relationship. You need concrete evidence of cheating, but it's vitally important that you don't get caught looking for it. You don't want to deteriorate the trust any more than it already has been. I can offer resources to help you do this, but for now I'm going to assume that the cheating is a sure thing.
I'm also going to assume that the marriage is worth saving and that your husband is essentially a good man who has only temporarily lost his way right now.
What Makes A Husband Cheat?: Although we've often lead to believe that a husband will cheat because the "other woman" or "mistress" is prettier, sexier, or more appealing than a husband's wife, very often this isn't the case. It's so common to hear: "what does he see in her?," "she's not even attractive," or "what does she have that I don't have?"
These are all valid questions, but they sort of miss the point. The truth is, usually the only thing that she has that you don't is the ability to draw out positive feelings in your husband about himself.
The truth is, an affair often has less to do with how your husband feels about you or the mistress, and everything to do with how a man feels about himself.
Men love and want to stay with a woman because she elicits positive feelings in him. Men want to feel that they are engaging, interesting, attractive, and capable of engaging and caring for us like no one else. In return, they want our attention and adoration. This cycle makes them feel capable and good about themselves. When this is working, men feel on top of the world. When something slows or stops this cycle, men become very disappointed. When they lose this feeling of happiness and competency, they are more prone to cheat.
Most everyone gives this attention to their husbands when they are first dating or are first married, but eventually, the world gets in the way. We have jobs, responsibilities, children to care for and homes to run. The time we have to lavish on our husbands diminishes and then some other women uses our lack of time to her advantage.
Yes, this is horribly unfair. Both parties have acted badly and you're right to be hurt and angry. But, to survive cheating and infidelity and get your husband back, you must never let these feelings get the better of you. If you do, it will give the "other woman" the upper hand. The more negative feelings your husband feels with you and the more positive feelings he feels with her, the more likely the affair will continue and the harder it will be to save the marriage.
How To Use This Information To Your Advantage To Stop The Cheating And Save Your Marriage: There is one area with your husband in which you have the upper hand and the mistress doesn't. You've likely known him longer and have much more history with him. You probably know what makes him tick, what he truly wants, and what scares him. You need to use your intimate knowledge of your husband to your advantage.
Eventually, the mistress will likely want more from your husband. Eventually, she will start to ask more of him, begin to question him about his activities, or demand more of his time, etc. Your goal is to position yourself to take advantage of these mistakes.
Remember that men run from what elicits negative feelings and run toward what elicits positive feelings, so your goal here is to become (at least in your husband's eyes) the happy go lucky, intriguing person you once were that turned his head.
Now, I know what you are thinking, "How or why should I play these silly games? I don't have the time for this." You're right. It's unfair that you have to, but unfortunately you are in this situation and if you want to emerge the winner, you have to place yourself in a favorable position to make this likely.
How Do You Become The Person Your Husband First Fell In Love With?: First, you take care of yourself. This may be counter to what you are feeling, but you must force yourself to do this. Take up the hobbies you used to enjoy, see the friends you need to catch up with, go ahead and get the highlights or facial you've been wanting. These things will not only make you feel better, they will peak your husband's interest.
Every time you present yourself to your husband, you need to display an interesting, forward moving person who is making the best of a bad situation and exploring her options. No, you don't need to make your husband think you don't value the marriage and want out of it, but you want him to know that you're every bit as interesting, compelling, and valuable as the mistress or "other woman."
As the mistress begins to act more wife like and demand more from your husband, your job is to act less so. As she begins to elicit the negative feelings we've discussed while you begin to elicit positive ones, it becomes more and more likely the tide and tables will turn.
To read the very personal story of how I saved my marriage using these techniques, please visit my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com