Pumpkin Carving Humor

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So, they have talked you into it.
Carve a pumpkin, they say.
It will be fun, they say.
Well, sometimes.
Sometimes not.
Why, you ask.
I will tell you.
First, there is the picking out of the perfect pumpkin to carve.
This is usually a group effort.
Even looking at the strange shaped pumpkins is a mistake.
The big, perfectly round pumpkins make the best carved pumpkins.
The strangely shaped ones make you laugh.
Pick a pumpkin that looks like Charlie Browns' head.
That is, if the group effort of picking out a pumpkin has not turned into a group fight over it, where everyone gets mad and goes home pumpkinless because no one could agree on one.
Now, if you are lucky, you have your perfect pumpkin.
Then comes the mess.
You have never seen such a mess.
Except for the time when the dog, nevermind.
Clean up is not fun.
Speaking of the dog, newspapers come in handy when carving a pumpkin.
While carving the pumpkin, remember these things.
Do not do it while drinking alcohol.
Pumpkins, knives and alcohol do not mix, unless you are making a powerful pie.
Even then, be extremely careful.
The hospital workers will not be sympathetic to your story.
Pumpkin carving can take some time.
Be patient.
If the kids and dogs get on your nerves while doing it, just take a break.
Take an aspirin, also.
It may help.
Always draw the design face on the pumpkin before carving.
If you do not do this you may not recognize it as a pumpkin when you finish.
Then you have to start all over.
That can be expensive.
It can also make you curse.
Even if it is Halloween and curses are in, you should not say those things in front of the children or the dog.
When you have finished, place the pumpkin in an area where it will not get kicked over, stomped on or fallen into.
That can hurt and with lawsuits running rampant these days, you never know.
Finally, if someone that you know should request that you carve them a pumpkin to wear on their head, please do a background check on them immediately, unless they own a horse and plan on doing a live rendition of sleepy hollow.
Happy Halloween!
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