Newly Divorced, Now What?

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Have you ever had a no care attitude when you haven't bothered to get out of you're PJ's all day.
You are walking around the house it is after 5pm in the afternoon and you are in your bedroom, in your robe.
You haven't bothered to brush your teeth and have watched the same "Ghost" movie for the seventh time.
At this stage you have eaten potato crisps for lunch and look like eating the rest of the tub of ice cream for your dinner.
If I have just described you, you're probably a newly separated or divorced person that can't decide if they ever want to face the outside world again.
Believe me you are not that unusual to others that have been in the same boat.
At this stage you may feel that you are the only one ever that has had rejection, misery, guilt, along with the anger and of course the fear that you have also from entering into this new phase of life after 40, but you are not.
Newly free people, which sounds so much better than, newly divorced people, have similar patterns of behavior.
Not all stay in their caves as described above, but many do.
Some take solace in a can of beer or a margarita, or drugs.
Some find company with over consumption of people and experiences, hiding behind activity, as a way to not deal with emotions.
The busier you are the less you feel the pain, is the lie that is told to self.
When divorce is part of our life after 40, it brings with it a multitude of different challenges than it does for those who are younger.
After 40, we are more set in our ways, life has been going along one way, and we don't like detours.
Our financial lives are more stable, usually, from years of working and saving and establishing a lifestyle.
We have children and grandchildren and family moments and traditions are caught on film and etched in our hearts.
Our bodies have changed and our opinions of ourselves are sometimes not so encouraging.
We haven't had sex with someone other than our spouse for years and intimacy is now entwined with responsibility and lack of romance.
Well, that might be why you now find yourself in the over 40 divorced ranks! Bouncing back from divorce after the age of 40 might present different challenges.
But, it also presents a kaleidoscope of possibilities that are not there when younger, if we approach our changed status with the right attitude and choose the right actions at the right time.
So, what are the right actions? First, don't deny yourself time to grieve.
It's okay to recoil from the world for awhile.
It's okay to eat the junk food and feel a bit of self pity.
After all, your world has been forever changed, and many times at the hands of someone else.
But, you have to move from this phase quickly and start processing your emotions, not burying them in the why me pity party.
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