Home Owner"s Plight (I"m Not Handy)

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I own a house.
And like most houses, it occasionally needs routine maintenance.
Well routine for most people.
However, there is nothing routine about maintenance, when I am involved.
Most people think that I am a pretty intelligent person (people who don't know me well anyway), but I just can't seem to get the knack of home repair.
No matter how easy the job might appear, I end up making it look like I'm trying to tackle the "Manhattan Project".
So, for me, and all other inept people like me, I've written a song.
It is sung to the tune of "I Want Candy"by the Strangeloves.
"I own a house, and things look bleak.
The paint is peeling, and the roof does leak.
Can't change a bulb, without falling off the ladder, My wife she holds it, but that don't matter.
I'm not handy! I'm not handy! Got a clogged sink, and the frig.
don't work.
I should fix 'em, but I'm a jerk.
I don't know pliers from a wrench, can't even find my work bench.
I'm not handy! I'm not handy! Got a bad water heater, and a gutter that dangles, There's nothing 'round here that I can't mangle.
Got a broken window and a ripped screen, if it gets any worse, I'm gonna scream I'm not handy! I'm not handy! If, a wire gets a short, I'll touch the wrong one and get a jolt.
Got hospital bills by the pile, I keep 911 on speed dial.
I'm not handy! I'm not handy!" I Want Candy by The Strangeloves
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