But I have a secret for you...
and it is this: I am no mother and I was able to deal with my nephew's anger and so can you! And get this, statistics say that one in every two kids show symptoms of ADHD.
Uncontrollable Anger and ADHD/ADD are not connected but many symptoms of ADHD and ADD can certainly contribute to trigger child's rage.
ADHD and ADD are characterized by difficulty for child to pay attention to the present moment and surroundings.
They suffer from high degrees of restlessness and hence their impulsive behavior.
A child without ADHD also have difficulty managing their emotions and anger, so a child with ADHD will obviously have less skill and presence of mind to deal with their emotions, am I correct? This is good news for us - since all of us who have to deal and manage children more often than not tend to beat ourselves up for not being a good parent or not possessing good parenting skills!.
I want you to think about this - when you were a kid, do you remember of incidences or other kids who provoked you and you felt this intense anger and the need to let out that anger (never thinking about the immediate consequence )!!.
Typically, a child without ADHD will then without realizing take a moment to reflect on what they are feeling and what will happen if they act upon them.
Its natural - as natural as breathing.
Some, no doubt, will have more difficulty in controlling anger than others but most of us will be able to control the rage.
But a child with ADHD/ADD can be very impulsive in reaction without thinking and their emotions can easily be provoked.
The impulsivity and the restlessness can become too much to handle sometimes and finally it outbursts into anger.
Reacting to their anger doesn't work! It worsens the problem.
So instead, let's use this simple but powerful tip.
It is this...
Empathetic Curiosity All empathetic curiosity is, is utilizing empathy and curiosity to give yourself and your child a break from the current situation or argument.
Like taking a break from 'tug of war'!.
You can do this in multiple ways.
Talk to the child of what he/she must be feeling right now.
"That chore you are doing is really hard for you.
I can see it make you feel frustrated.
As soon as you realize the situation will go out of hand, say to the child, "lets take time out".
Offer a choice - do you want to sit in the garden or take a walk? Main point to remember here is time out is for both of you and it should be any place that is not where the anger situation happened.
Offering a choice to the kid gives him/her a sense of control over the situation as well.
Praise him/her once both of you have cooled down.
Warning: Do not neglect 'Patience' on your part.
Be sure to practice patience and deep breathing in your own time.