This week kicked off like any other, with Romeo sitting in the corner, twiddling his crystal, while the others drank to excess and made out with each other. Way to keep it classy, ANTM.
Tyra must have noticed things were getting a little raunchy in the house because this week’s photo shoot was all about keeping it sexy while keeping it PG-13.
The Photo Shoot
Tyra fact: 90% of fashion photos are on the sexy side.
So, the models needed to learn how to make love to the camera without taking their pants off. In Tyra’s weird world, that boils down to sexy smirks, sassy head rolling and booty popping.
The models were all good little students except for Lenox, who, much to Tyra’s horror, said “I’m done!” and walked away. Bad Lenox.
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After a long night of practicing their newfound skills, the models were paired up to shoot a sensual fragrance commercial for a fake scent called “Spyder Bite.” Basically, the women (and Will) had to lure the men into a web of high fashion fantasy.
Sound pretty straightforward, except Tyra had some wicked pairings up her sleeve. First, she put Keith with Mirjana and Denzel with Kari. Oh, the jealousy! Then, Matthew with Will, which neither one really cared about because they’re both awesome. But best of all, she put Lenox and Romeo together. Painfully awkward.
The greatest thing about this challenge, besides all the strange lip biting (once one person bit a lip, they all had to bite lips) was Raelia.
Where the heck did she come from? I barely noticed her before. Has she been in the competition all along? I’m serious. I didn’t even mention her last week. My bad, because it turns out she’s freakin’ amazing!
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After the models hung out in webs all day, they headed back to the house for a little party. It was Romeo’s birthday, so he finally decided to get in on the action. He put his wizard books away and socialized like a human, and people started to like him a bit. But then, Romeo snapped. He picked a fight with Adam, the beefiest guy in the house, and tried to get Adam to beat the snot out of him.
In a shocking twist, Adam didn’t punch him, probably because a) it’s hard to take someone seriously when they’re wearing shorts and black ankle socks and b) it’s the wrong thing to do. In fact, Romeo was the one who head-butted Adam.
The next morning, Miss J made a very important announcement. Because ANTM has a zero tolerance policy against physical assault, Romeo got sent home. Worst birthday ever.
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On a happier note, runway show! With stilts!
Yes, this week the guys and gals had to model dramatic designer fashions while stumbling down the runway on stilts. And stumble they did, except for Ben, who actually owned stilts as a kid. Must be a Midwestern thing. His secret circus upbringing earned him first place, while Adam’s and Raelia’s shaky struts tied them for last. But some good news for Adam: At panel, Tyra actually commended him on taking the high road in the Romeo ordeal. Go Adam! (Yes, I said that.)
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Mirjana and Keith pushed past the awkwardness and pulled off a sexy, but not too sexy, shoot. Raelia and Ben did awesome, too, as did Shei and Adam. Tyra thought Adam had some of the greatest faces of the bunch (Kelly thought he looked like an Adonis modeling diapers).
Denzel’s giant foot ruined his and Kari’s commercial, and Matthew’s “who farted” face almost did it in for him and Will. Luckily, Will is a superstar and managed to outshine all of Matthew’s weird facial scrunching.
And then there was the trainwreck known as Lenox and Romeo. Two of the unsexiest people I have ever seen. Don’t get me wrong—I think they both have amazing model potential, especially Lenox—but watching the two of them together was like watching two 13-year-olds on a first date. At an afternoon matinee. With their mothers sitting behind them.
Tyra wanted to give Lenox a zero, but she gave her a one. How kind.
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Before we get to who gets to snuggle with their lover in the Tyra Suite and who gets snuggle with their mommy back home, something’s a little off. Is it just me or is something fishy with Tyra’s scores? Tyra rarely gives out anything lower than a 6. Even Kelly and Miss J had no idea what was going on. It’s like Tyra could finally give the scores she actually wanted to give. A ten just because she’s in love with Shei’s makeover? Why not. A five just because Ben’s man-butt stuck out too far? Sure. A one just because Lenox was a lazy sloth this week? Okay, someone’s out to prove a point...
This week’s champ was Will, which came as no surprise. As soon as I saw his sassy little eyebrow lift in the commercial, I knew he had it in the bag.
And the bottom two: Lenox and Adam. I wasn’t surprised either when Lenox landed at the bottom of the heap. But Adam? As lame as the guy is, he didn’t do too badly this week. Sure, he can’t walk on stilts (who can?), but he pulled off a decent commercial and he didn’t punch Romeo in the face. Turns out everyone on social media hates him. Hmm.
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Not that it matters, because Lenox totally bombed this week and was obviously going home.
Or was she…
Turns out I was right! Tyra was throwing out random numbers at panel just because she could. Lenox is sticking around for another week! Thanks Romeo!
As punishment for being so awful (she didn’t even get a photo because she “doesn’t deserve one”), Lenox will only get 5 frames for the next photo shoot. Cue Lenox hanging her head in shame and shuffling away.
Next week, Adam french kisses a dog, someone cries, and the models meet Nick Cannon. Not necessarily in that order.