We can grieve their loss, or we can "not grieve" their loss.
Now why would anyone not want to grieve the loss of a loved one? The answer is simple, it will hurt us less not to grieve! Grieving is hard work, and most of us are not trained to do it.
Our parents and our society have taught us how to acquire things and friends and loved ones, but they have not taught us how to leave them when the time comes.
So we walk back to our "normal" lives.
We go back to work, we go back to our software and social media and act as if all is well.
No, we're not denying they died, but even by the words we use, we are saying something that we may not believe.
People hardly ever say "She died" anymore, today we say "She passed.
" Passed to where? Tell that to a 4-year-old child, and that's the question you'll get.
Passed to somewhere else, does that mean they're coming back? Why not? Now of course, what we mean when we say "She passed" is that she has passed on, from this world to the next world.
Except no one knows what lies beyond this world, because no one has ever come back after they died to tell us what's going on.
So we take it on faith that there is Heaven as a reward for living a good life, or Hell for not living such a good life.
But we don't really know.
Religions don't know, they can believe in a future life, but they don't "know" anything about what's next.
But that's what you and I were taught, and it brings us comfort, so we go with it.
Let's go back to grieving.
There are 3 steps to go from grief to healing: Accepting the Loss, Confronting the Loss, and Embracing the New Life which can follow.
And none of those steps is easy.
They involve work, tears, cleaning up the relationships we had with the loved one who died, apologizing and forgiving the human frailties we all have, and making the conscious decision to move ahead in our lives.
The one who decides to not do any of this, but rather who decides to "just get on with it," thinks that he is taking the easier way out.
But it's not true! Time doesn't heal anything, it just passes.
The pain of loss will ultimately rear its head and all those who took the easy way out will eventually have to mourn.
Only it will be much harder for them.
The sooner grief is allowed to enter our hearts, the sooner the souls of our beloved can truly rest in peace.